WOW

You blink and almost a year goes by.

You blink, and there you have it – you’ve moved countries, apartments, you’re at your first real job for close to a year, your hair is long, you didn’t lose the weight you’d promised yourself you’d lose, it’s already July – wait, close to August -, and the last time you took 5 minutes to exercise your creativity and took a breather to reflect publicly on the whirlwind you call “life” was last December.

I give myself so, so many reasons on a daily basis why I do not have time to write. Some of the most absurd ones deserve to be listed:

– Most simply, I don’t have time
– In the “advertising-agency-scheme-of-things” I am not a creative. I’m a manager (and a junior at that). I think and act in an organized manner and I count the minutes of my day to keep myself sane while getting stuff done
– I am tired
– I am particularly tired of staring at a screen and typing all day
– I am too busy counting calories, not being proud of it, then stuffing my face
– I am too busy going to gym a few times a week, which is not enough to build my ~dream body~ but also too much to leave me time to write
– And, hear me out, the last one which may after all be the closest to the truth and the saddest of them all: I am not inspired, and that scares the living shit out of me.

The other day Yann-Yves told me he missed the times when I was “more creative”. That hurt. Not because he said it, but because I realized I truly missed it too, and very much so, so very much.

There was a time when I would put together crazy collages on Photoshop. I used to cook more, and took classes on Skillshare. That’s how I “learned” to use Illustrator, well enough to create a landscape of Rio. When we first moved to Munich, Yann-Yves and I used to go to a different museum every Sunday. I also used to write a whole lot more, but that was a longer time ago.

I thought I’d be a writer one day. Maybe I will. For now it’ll suffice to publish fragments of thoughts ever so often, if I’m not too busy making up excuses.

Today I am giving myself a moment.